A Field Full of Poppies

Following are the R Presidential candidates from last Thursday's 9-22-11 debate substituted for Wizard of Oz characters.  Ruby Slipper lovers of the MGM 1939 classic may disagree but you can always insert your own favorites. 

It's Always Best to Start at the Beginning, You Betcha!

Dorothy=Michele Bachmann is our Over the Rainbow, Clicking Her Heels Together “crusaderette” (ex-cheerleader #1) who is bravely fighting evil roadblocks on the way to the Emerald City. Bizarrely, her husband reminds me of Dorothy’s Uncle Henry.  She will return to her No Place Like Home and her “small business” in the end.

Wizard of Oz=Newt Gingrich is the once great and powerful Newt who wishes no one would look behind the curtain covering his closet full of personal life-skeletons.  His experience and knowledge is dispensed with the monotonous drone of the old former teacher that he is.

Tin Man=Rick Perry (ex-cheerleader #2), stiff from recent back surgery, needed and apparently received copious amounts of lubrication (from the oil can), accused others of not having a heart if they oppose in-state tuition for illegal aliens. However, after returning from his Emerald City Ranch trip, Perry’s newly acquired Texas-sized heart seems to be experiencing an arrhythmia when it comes to in-state tuition for our own U.S. citizens.

Cowardly Lion=Ron Paul is my favorite L. Frank Baum character.  This Lovable lion unfortunately reminds me of Dr. Paul who may not be able to find enough courage, despite his Wizard medal, to adequately protect America’s vital interests.
Cowardly Lion: “All right, I'll go in there for Dorothy. Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch, guards or no guards, I'll tear them apart. I may not come out alive, but I'm going in there. There's only one thing I want you fellows to do. “
Tin Woodsman, Scarecrow: “What's that?”
Cowardly Lion: “Talk me out of it!”

Scarecrow=Jon Huntsman, like the Scarecrow, despite being initially brain challenged, fortunately hooks up with the best runaway juvenile possible, who happens to be on her way to the Wizard who gives the flammable, straw filled lawn ornament an official looking degree.  Meeting Dorothy is much like JH winning the billionaire birth sweepstakes (see Jon Huntsman Sr).  Despite dropping out of high school to play in a rock band, JH avoids the all too common rich-boy sex-drugs-and rock n roll tailspin by pulling himself up by his Bruno Magli bootstraps, rising to the height of ultimate political “hackness” by receiving White House jobs, appointments and multiple Asian ambassadorships (Reagan: staff assistant, 1988 election state delegate, Bush 41: Asian D.A.Sec. of Commerce,  Amb. to Singapore, Bush 43: Amb. To Indonesia and Governor of Utah, Obama: Amb. To China. (There’s more but I’m done now)  During the first of his debates JH offered to give his debate answers in Mandarin, Chinese.  For JH, Washington DC is his Emerald city.

GLINDA [good witch of the North (movie) or South (book)]=Sarah Palin, is from the most northern state of Alaska and the litte southern city of Wasilla.  So far we haven’t see her floating into the Fox or CNN TV studios inside her force field-surrounded bubble with her magic wand poised, ready to vanquish the hacks, RINOS and haters…yet.  If Glinda doesn’t show up, the rest of the story will be like a Field Full of Poppies.

Munchkin Mayor=Herman Caine is the experienced, wise business leader who expresses himself with eloquence and dignity pointing the way toward viable solutions for our troubled economy.  He exudes an assuredness and regality which excludes him from the mudslinging and insults.

“As mayor of the Munchkin City
In the county of the land of Oz
I welcome you most regally…”

Captain of the Winkie Guard=Mitt Romney is the beautifully coiffed, well dressed, big business, management consultant lawyer, ex Massachusetts Governor and Captain of the Wicked Witch’s Winkie Guard.  But before the evil witch has even finished melting into watery nothingness, Mittens began belting out his “I’m Down With the Tea Party” rally song.

(Captain of the Winkie Guard: [after the Wicked Witch has melted] She's... She's dead. You killed her.
Dorothy: I didn't mean to kill her. Really, I didn't. It's just that she was on fire.

Winged Monkeys=Gary Johnson and Rick Santorum.  Although both will fly away in the end we may see them and others swoop back into our MGM production after a Republican victory.